Being a mum is an extremely challenging and rewarding role, but it can be even more complicated if you didn’t have a healthy relationship with your own mum. For many of us, those unresolved wounds carry over into our own experiences of motherhood, making us feel “not good enough.” That’s why I found Karyl McBride’s book, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? – Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers, so helpful.
It wasn’t until I was in my 40s that I first learned about narcissistic behaviours and traits, and when I did, it really opened my eyes. I finally understood how my mum’s way of being had shaped the beliefs I held about myself.
The Ten Stingers: When it’s All About Mother
The book outlines ten common relationship issues—McBride calls them “stingers”—that are often present between narcissistic mothers and their daughters. Some really resonated deeply for me.
It’s All About Mother
This really rang true for my experience. I remember distinctly the day I left my abusive husband. I went to the family home, and my mum said to me, “I am really upset, this is affecting me so deeply!” I remember thinking, But it didn’t even happen to you, Mum! This perfectly captures how narcissistic mothers often make everything about themselves.
Your Mother Can’t Deal with Her Own Feelings
I could also resonate with this—my mum only did one emotion—anger. She blamed everyone but herself, and as a result, I learned to push down my own emotions. I put on a big, bright smile for the outside world, but inside, I felt very sad. I couldn’t show it to Mum though. I remember one day when Mum and Dad went out for the evening, I bought a Chinese takeaway and a bottle of wine. I drank more and more, and by the time they got home, I was drunk and feeling ill. In that state, I finally told Mum how I felt. She appeared to be listening in that moment, but by the morning, nothing had changed. She really hadn’t heard me at all.
McBride also talks about the dynamics between other members of the family. My brother, for example, was treated like the golden child, because in my mums eyes, he was not a threat to her. I, however, was the scapegoat, the one blamed or put down.
The Impact of Narcissistic Parenting on Daughters
In part two, the book dives into the different behaviour patterns daughters adopt in adulthood as a result of their parenting. One of these patterns is being the High-Achieving Daughter—someone who tries so hard to prove her worth. McBride explains that this is often the daughter’s way of showing her mum, and the world, that she is worthy. Yet despite all their achievements, these daughters often feel that nothing they do is ever good enough.
I can certainly resonate with this. I’ve taken so many exams in my life, hoping that this time I would feel enough, that I would finally be seen as “clever enough.” But, as McBride points out, this sense of never being good enough often stays with us until we can confront and heal the underlying beliefs we formed in childhood.
There are so many insights in this section—I won’t spoil them all for you—but if this sounds familiar, I strongly recommend reading this part of the book.
Ending the Legacy of Narcissistic Parenting
Part three of the book talks about ending the legacy and offers specific recovery steps McBride recommends for daughters of narcissistic mothers. This is where the healing begins, and it’s also where I found EFT tapping to be an invaluable tool.
As mums, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, but perfection doesn’t exist. Yet, so many of us fail to recognise that we are doing a great job. More importantly, we don’t feel we deserve to take time for ourselves, which leads to guilt when we do try to prioritise self-care.
How EFT Helped Me Heal
For me, EFT tapping has been a crucial part of healing these childhood wounds. The book helped me see how deeply these beliefs were ingrained, but tapping allowed me to address the emotional charge behind those pivotal moments. With EFT, I’ve been able to explore the beliefs I formed during those events—like “I’m unlovable”—and decide, from a calmer perspective, whether they are actually true. From there, I’ve been able to build new, empowering beliefs, like “I am a good human being deserving of love and kindness.”
Tapping has helped me to revisit and reframe significant moments from my childhood, where I made decisions about myself that were shaped by my mum’s narcissistic behaviour. The power of EFT is that it creates the space to process those moments, calm your nervous system, and rewrite the old beliefs that have been holding you back.
Moving Forward
If you see parts of yourself in this book and feel the pull to do some deeper healing, I offer 1-to-1 EFT coaching sessions. Together, we can work on rewriting those old beliefs that are no longer serving you, so you can experience the emotional freedom you deserve.
Healing is possible, and Will I Ever Be Good Enough? offers an in-depth look into the lasting effects of narcissistic mothers. If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey, EFT can support you in breaking those old patterns and embracing your worth.
