Fear of Public Speaking: Why you feel so afraid of being judged or getting it wrong

It makes sense on paper… but it doesn’t feel that way

In principle the thinking behind speaking in public makes sense, you are promoting your business to a wider audience, showing your authority, spreading your message. A great strategy on paper….

But in reality it can feel terrifying.

You feel sick just thinking about the upcoming event, and wonder ‘why on earth did I agree to this?’

You think - ‘I’m scared I’ll look stupid, disappoint people, and come across as chaotic’ and on top of that your chest is tight, you feel sick, and you just cant focus.

Everyone says you’ll be fine! But you don’t believe that for a second.

So what’s actually going on here?

If you’ve grown up worrying what people think of you because as a child you had experiences where you felt judged or criticised, or you got approval when you pleased people, a part of you is going to want to keep you safe by not exposing you to judgement and criticism.

Why “just be confident” doesn’t work

The mindset coaches out there would encourage you to ‘be confident’, do your super woman pose and just speak from the heart!

So telling yourself to put your big girl pants on is not going to do anything if there is a whole host of fear and anxiety running the show underneath.

I know this feeling because I’ve been there too

I remember my first time vividly. I was so fearful of public speaking. I was shaking, my mind went blank, and I ended up reading from my sheet. My heart was pounding and it felt like the longest 20 minutes.

The next time I spoke it was completely different.

Someone asked if I was nervous and I checked in with myself and realised… I actually felt excited.

So what changed?

I had tapped on all of my fears and worries, including:

• the fear that people are expecting something amazing, will I disappoint them?

• the fear of them being disappointed

• the fear of seeing all of those eyes focused on me

• the fear that my mind will go blank and I will forget what I wanted to say

• the fear that I will look an absolute idiot who doesn’t know what she is talking about

• and yes, the fear of looking like a hot sweaty mess

  
  

  

What actually helps the fear settle

You see once that fear is given a voice and we actually listen in to it, it starts to soften because it feels heard and validated.

What I have found is if you really speak to that fear and try and understand it just like you would a frightened child, then it begins to feel heard and becomes more open to reassurance.

You can then reassure the fear that you are safe, and it’s natural to be worried but actually…

This worry is sabotaging the success of your presentation.

This then brings down the intensity of the fear.The logical mind can then come back on board and you can show up as a calmer, more enthusiastic version of yourself.

The beliefs that once felt so true in our body can then be explored in a safe way, and as the intensity settles, they start to shift naturally.

This is where things start to feel different

This then makes it possible to feel more relaxed and comfortable in front of an audience, because the mind and body no longer see it as danger.

You will feel so much calmer in your body.Your thinking becomes clearer, and your passion and energy can finally come through, allowing a better connection with your audience.

You don’t have to do this on your own

If this resonates and you recognise that fear in yourself, this is exactly the kind of work I

support women with.In a 1:1 session we gently explore what’s underneath the fear and help your body feel safe enough to show up in the way you want to.

You don’t have to push through it on your own.

If you’d like to explore this together, you can find out more about working with me here.